I hate that little bald headed kid

PBS is about my favorite television station on earth for kid friendly shows. I never worry about what they’re watching if PBS Kids is on.

There is one show, however, that I hate that my children love. Caillou.

The storyline revolves around a, 4-year old kid, Caillou. Caillou is either whining or speaking in a false baby voice. He’s rarely in trouble with his hopelessly perky and indulgent parents. The narrator finds Caillou ridiculously charming and always chides the audience about our preschool hero’s antics.

What I would love is for someone, anyone, to tell Caillou to talk like a big boy. Seriously, his voice, above all else, just irritates the shit out of me. My kids didn’t talk like that when they were babies, much less at age 4.

Whenever I’m forced to endure Caillou, I fantasize about a storyline that I would love for PBS to use. Tell me what you think:

The episode would be called, “Caillou Crosses the Street.” The episode would revolve around Caillou’s parents teaching him how to cross the street safely to prepare him for a trip to Big City. Once in Big City they enjoy a lovely day at the museum and eating lunch out. During this episode the children (i.e. viewers) would get a quick lesson about natural history. Caillou would be his normal, whiny self while Mommy and Daddy talk down to him and placate him (just like every other episode). This episode, however, is different. This episode is the series finale. While heading back to their hotel Caillou sees a balloon vendor and bolts across the street! Without looking both ways! Caillou is promptly steamrolled by a Big City bus. Rosie (his baby sister) squeals with delight, “Caillou squish!” and our grandmotherly narrator say, “Oh dear. If only Caillou had listened to his mommy.”

I smell an Emmy.

*If you’ve not yet experienced Caillou, there’s clip from YouTube below.